MIDGET MADNESS!

The AWAs 1989 budget VHS release Midget Madness

The AWA's 1989 budget VHS release Midget Madness

Okay. So, sometimes you need to unwind a little. And sometimes that unwinding goes better with a little mindless entertainment. Perhaps that is why I downloaded a copy of the 1989 VHS videocassette Midget Madness.

Now, I remember when this video came out. It was EVERYWHERE. And it was selling for pretty cheap. It’s one of those budget tapes that is only about a half hour long.  I’m sure lots of you out there have picked up a copy of Goofy Sports Bloopers or Best of People Getting Hit in the Crotch With a Ball in the same bargain bin that this baby was usually in.

But I never bought it.

There’s very few lame wrestling videos I have not purchased in my day. Very few. I still have a couple of copies of Rumble Fumbles after clearing out a local dollar store and selling them on the road at merch tables for $5 a piece. I even bought a few Beta wrestling videos I didn’t even want when stores were starting to literally give them away for free. Just like I have never owned the original WWF Coliseum Home Video release of The Women of the WWF, I have never owned Midget Madness.

Figuring out how old I was back then would require doing math, which I am not going to do. My child does not need to see what his Daddy looks like when steam comes out of his ears. Whatever young age I was at, I was certainly a smart young man, as this tape with kill brain cells and steal time from you that you will never get back.

This video is a quickie release that was done in the dying days of the AWA. They use footage from maybe three different midget matches and repeat them over and over and over. Lets see the clips with war sound effects! Lets see them in slow motion! Lets hear more of the really annoying voiceover guy telling bad small people jokes.

Yes, this tape is completely devoid of any entertainment value whatsoever.

Now, I want to clear one thing up right now. I am not really a fan of traditional North American midget wrestling. I see it’s place as a novelty item and a special attraction, but it’s just not my thing. I do, however, have the brains to spot when the routine is done well, as I have seen it done firsthand by such midget competitors such as Cowboy Lang. This videocassette would have been more entertaining if they had just run the matches they used clips from bell-to-bell.  The guys in the clips, like Little Tokyo and Karate Kid (who I have met), are more than capable of holding the viewers attention.

This tape is a waste. I commend 1989 Adam for steering clear of it. It would be more valuable to the human race after melting down the plastic so that it could be reformed into, say, a cookie cutter shaped like Dora the Explorer.

In closing, I will add that I have always appreciated the action provided by the Mexican mini luchadores. Those guys are AWESOME. On several occasions I have popped in a tape or DVD to show to non-wrestling fans, and they are completely sucked in by the fast-paced action and acrobatics. Those little athletes are nothing less than incredible. They, sadly, are not on this tape.

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