After sitting through a particularly lame episode of WWE Monday Night Raw and a year or so of questionable booking in general, I really had to question a lot of the decisions that WWE higher-ups have been making. At times, it just seemed like they were totally out of touch. At others, it seemed like they were booking for an audience of one (Vince McMahon). At others, it seemed that the writers were trying to out-think the fans that were trying to out-think them, yielding sub-par or disappointing results.
Somehow, I ended up of the opinion that pretty much anyone other than WWE staff could do a better job of booking. Then, I got the wise idea to find a crew of monkeys and have them book a sample show and see if it ended up being better.
Unfortunately, I don’t have access to real, live monkeys, but I do have a four-year old son who was born in the year of the monkey who likes to play with wrestling figures.
So, I went into some old boxes and grabbed a bunch of Jakks wrestling figures. I had my son Thomas divide the wrestlers into good guys and bad guys, and then had him pair them off into matches. After that was all done, he went through and decided upon the stipulations (based on the pile of props which came with the figures), and the winners of all the matches. The only real handicaps he had to deal with was the rather random assortment of figures.
Here’s the result of our 9-match card, which saw some weird matches and interesting developments…
- Rey Mysterio defeated Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake (perhaps they will have a rematch with Mask vs. Hair stipulations?)
- Legends Match: “Superfly” Jimmy Snuka over Big John Studd
- Ladder Match: John Cena beat Matt Hardy to win a briefcase.
- Ultimate Warrior defeated Charlie Haas (maybe he was “The Ultimate Haas?”)
- Tag Team Match: La Resistance (Rene Dupree & Rob Conway) beat The Junkyard Dog & “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan
- Ultimo Dragon defeated Hurricane to win the Intercontinental title.
- Steel Cage Match: Chris Jericho over Kurt Angle
- Extreme Rules Match: Jeff Hardy beat Shelton Benjamin
- WWE Championship Match: “Stone Cold” Steve Austin won over Randy Orton
*The referee for all matches was Earl Hebner (or was it Dave?).
All in all, I though he did okay for who he had to work with, and also due to the fact that this was his first attempt at booking a show. Next time we will try using the old 1990 WCW action figures by Galoob, which included The Four Horsemen!